Thursday, February 7, 2008

Interview Time

We at Wooden Spoons Are Bad have been approached by a fellow blogger known as Flannery Alden for the purposes of an interview. We haven't granted many interview requests in the past (Read=Never) but this will be the first of many, including interviews that we will conduct regarding any topic that leads to complete world knowledge.

In the spirit of the interview:

Why did you start this blog? What’s it all about anyway?

Thank you for your question. I started this blog in an effort to expose the cruelity and oppression associated with objects that only have one purpose. The world has too many unitasker tools and widgets, so we have decided to break the world of that habitual need for things that only accomplish one thing. Oh...I'm sorry, I think we were talking about the blog...Well, I don't like wooden spoons, especially becase of the way that they feel on my tongue. So I thought that I should tell the world about it.

What is your favorite sandwich and why?

My favorite sandwich, without question, is the original double-double animal style from In-n-Out Burgers. There is a no better burger ever created in the entire world. Period. End of story. Finite`...oh, maybe I should stop.

Describe a defining moment in the development of your sense of humor.

I was over at my grandma and grandpa's house, and grandpa was watching "Blazing Saddles". That pretty much defined where I was going as a humorist. As they say, I am pleased to extend to you this Laurel and Hardy handshake to our new n-----.

As a musician and an epicurean, can you tell us what your favorite music tastes like and what your favorite food sounds like?

My, that is a great question. favorite music tastes slightly dusty, with hints of smoke, whisky, and a salt and pepper crust. My favorite food sounds like this: CRRUUUNNNCCCHHHH!Ker-plunk...and boink...

If you were up for a Best New Artist and Best Album Grammy, what would you wear to the awards show and would you prepare a speech? If so, what would the highlights be?

As this is a forgone conclusion, I will be happy to share my plans for this occasion. I have been secretly tasking a small town in the Andes to build me a tuxedo worthy of the event. It is all black, with miniscule tears woven into it by the villagers who have inspired the song. This song is entitled "Yo (I)" and features a band put together of some of the greatest musicians of all time, through blackmail.

The tuxedo is accompanied by a top hat, tails, white tie, and a monacle.

My speech will hit the following highlights:
1. the fall of the Roman Empire
2. the rise of the Ottoman Empire
3. the discovery of chocolate as a currency
4. etc.
5. thank you's to the various people who have been in the way, er I mean helped me on my way

Thank you for your questions, I will now take comments.
That is all.


Anonymous said...

epicurean is a cool word. I like this post.

Jeff said...

Kyle: Thanks. Using the word epicurean means I think I know how to appreciate food...or something like that.

Anonymous said...

Ya, I had to look it up.

Flannery Alden said...

The link is up on P2W...prepare to be invaded!

Doc said...

Dear Jeff,
Welcome to the wonderful world of blogdom. Be prepared for all of it to show up on your door. It turns out that Flannery knows them all and they will very shortly be reading and scrutinizing your every word. You have suddenly been catapulted to the forefront of all blogdom by her indorsement alone. Trust me, they can be kind, but not often. She got the nickname "mother of blogdom" honestly. I hope the scrutiny isn't disconcerting. To assure yourself of a permanent place in the cosmos of blogdom I would recommend various posts on ethnic food that isn't from your ethnicity and keep up with the Mel Brooks humor as this is one true universal element that the world shares. Don't be afraid to swear or use "colorful language" in your posts. Off color jokes are encouraged. When you are stuck for an idea about what to write about just say something outrageous and the readers will come by the droves. Might I suggest a post on the various uses of collard greens or perhaps how pedophiles should have wooden spoons attached to their foreheads with duct tape as a warning to others? I'm sure you can conjure up something better than this but these are just a few things to get you started.

By the way, I will be putting up a link to you as well and directing my thousands of readers in your direction so be prepared for the onslaught. It turns out I'm very popular in the middle east so find a good tranlation program now.


Dale said...

I was prepared to be driven back to scenes in my head of my mother chasing us with the other kind of wooden spoon - the kind that could be used for stirring fudge and then used in a chase scene, the purpose being to slap against the asses of horrible children (not me of course but my brothers, say). So yeah, thanks for not dredging all that up.

Rock that monacle!

Jeff said...

Flannery: Thank you for your endorsement. Bring on the Huns! I'm ready.

Doc: I am also popular, but not in the middle east. My popularity is usually contained in small resistance pockets of the Vichy governmnet. Thank you for your endorsement as well. I appreciate the help.

Dale: While those wooden spoons are a source of horror, I generally shy away from dredging up the bad memories of others, unless they are funny.

Thank you.

Pezda's Ghost said...

I'm with dale on this one. My mother would simply brandish the wooden spoon and I'd dive for cover, I'm not sure how often she actually used it though.

White tie? Really?